Children

Children in New York are terrible. At twelve o'clock everyday, they descend upon the city, getting out of school for lunch and rushing the streets. The pizza shops and bodegas nearest the school are overwhelmed by these foul creatures, who have yet to learn the responsibilities that all of us share. They curse each other, spit, yell, listen to ipods, and 'shout out' their friends on cell phones. Inside the Chelsea Market, they buy their food or bring their lunches and sit in the middle of the promenade. Blocking honest men and women, these children are a fire hazard. Surely, too, they are a health code violation. Surely, they have never washed their hands.

In my neighborhood, these beasts are being spawned. Women walk their boys and girls around in strollers. These strollers too are a nuisance. They take up the isles in the market and the sidewalks on the street. As a man, i am terrified of these women, and i feel for the men they have indentured. I can only imagine how flabbergasted these men must be, receiving the knowledge that their wives and girlfriends are pregnant. The innocuous act, which they had engaged in time and time again, or worse, only the once, for social purposes had culminated in its reproductive one. As a man whose parts have never been successfully tested in the field, I can sympathize with the sort of shock that this news would bring on; a mixed pot of wonder, joy, fear, and sadness.